Getting Started

I have been talking about starting a blog for several months now and finally decided to get started. In part because I have nothing else to do in this moment and in part because I have been really struggling lately. I have bi-polar disorder and have been cycling with it since I was 5 years old. I was first diagnosed in 2005 and have been in treatment since then, which includes medication, therapy and behavior changes. For the most part, it has been successfully managed for the past few years, for which I am so grateful. But I had a "relapse" last month and am struggling to find my balance again. A lot of people don't really know what bi-polar disorder is, and there is still a lot of stigma around mental illness. That is why I am doing this blog. I want to educate people and help them see the human side of mental illness. We are not a stereotype, we are not somehow damaged or deficient, and we are not in any way lesser human beings. If I can get even one person to change their view of mental illness, then this blog will be a success. Why "Living Out of Control"? As much as I know about my disorder, and as long as I have had it, I still have limited control over my mood changes. Yes, I can take my medication, make all my therapy appointments, and take care of myself, but even when I am doing all of these things, I can begin to cycle. When cycling, I feel out of control. I become angry in a heartbeat, cry for no explainable reason, make rash, impulsive decisions, and much more. But it is important to note than I am LIVING out of control. Many, many people lose their lives to this disorder, and other mental illnesses, every day. I am blessed to still be here. So please join me on this journey of education and revelation, no matter what your past experience with mental illness may be. I promise you will learn something new and have fun while doing it.