April Writing Challenge #4 - Write Based on the Next Line of Dialogue you Hear

"My name is _________ and I am interested in the open position for __________."

Dear Human Resource Manager,
{Dang! I couldn't find the exact name. They tell you to use their name but I don't know what it is! Will they even read the rest of the letter? Maybe I should spend some more time looking for it...}

My name is _____________ and I am interested in the open position for a _____________. I feel like my experience, education, and interests make me a prime candidate for this position with your company. {What if the don't like my name? What if I could have written this line better. Is 'prime' the right word? Does it make me sound like a piece of beef? Am I REALLY a good match for this position?} I am a graduate student finishing up my M.A. in Liberal Studies. I have also been working part-time for the past 5 years in this field. {Do I write out M.A.? Or do I abbreviate the whole thing? Will they consider this a mark against me if I don't do it right? Do I need to tell them how much time I have left? Ugh! These letters are so hard.} I have always been interested in a position in this field, even going back to my undergraduate degree and the volunteer work I did during that time, {Does this matter to them? Do they care what I was doing 5 years ago? Do I capitalize Undergraduate?}Please take a look at my enclosed resume. It shows all of my education and experience in this field. I do believe you will find that I am a great candidate for this position. {Did I mess up the resume? Maybe I should have paid someone to write it for me! They probably would have done it better. What if I made a HUGE mistake on it and that ruins this for me? Will I even know that's what happened?} I would love to discuss further the possibility of my becoming a member of your team. Please call me to schedule a time to meet at 555-666-7890. {Am I being too forward here? What if she doesn't ever call? PLEASE CALL, PLEASE CALL, PLEASE CALL!}

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Moi
{Oh, yeah. I nailed this baby! Of course she's going to call. I rock!}

April Writing Challenge #6 - Poem About How I Am Different

I am Different Because of My Pain:

I live in pain
So much pain
It starts effecting my brain.
I often feel a drain
On energy that is my main.
My body I try to train
The tears they fall like rain
It's all I can do to refrain
From thinking about the pain.
I may seem like I'm vain
As I am often only thinking of how to explain.
I don't mean to complain
I just always live in pain.

April Writing Challenge #3: How To Be (a Bad Ass)

Today, we will talk about the steps it takes to be a bad ass!

1. Decide you want to be a bad ass (because why the hell not?).
2. Don't tell anyone about your decision (you can't truly be a bad ass if you tell people you have decided to become one).
3. Get into the right state of mind by watching movies with bad asses in them (this includes movies like "Rebel Without a Cause", "Grease", "Footloose", "Dirty Dancing", "The African Queen", "The Help" and any others starring bad asses).
4. Get into the right state of mind by listening to music about bad ass (this includes empowering music like "Eye of the Tiger", "Roar", "I Will Survive", "Don't Stop Believing", etc.) .
5. Finally, read inspiring and empowering news stories, about men and women who are making a difference in this nutty world of ours.
6. Now that you are starting to think like a bad ass, you've got to dress like one. Start by researching what other bad asses are known for wearing (Yes, we all love the James Dean look!).
7. The point is to dress in the way that makes YOU feel like a bad ass (Want to rock that bikini even though you don't have a supermodel bod? You go for it!).
8. Brainstorm ideas for what will make you feel like a bad ass (Have you always wanted to change the world? Does being a bad ass just mean an attitude change for you?)
9. Start rocking it at home. It can be a hard transition to bad ass so practice makes perfect. Start trying on the clothes that you want to rock, address your pets like a bad ass, freak out your family, etc..
10. Start rocking it with your close friends. see #9 for suggestions.
11. Now is the big reveal. It is time for you to start rocking your bad ass attitude and look to everybody. We're talking school, work (with the exception of work uniforms), going out in public (like clubs, bookstores, etc.). 
12. The first thing that will happen is some opposition from the significant people in your life. Make sure you let them know that this is you finally being you and nothing is going to stop you from doing so. Ask them to please support you.
13. The second thing that will happen is opposition from the public. You may hear comments about your changed attitude and/or look, you may even hear nasty insults. The point is that you are now a bad ass and that means nobody else's bullshit is applicable.Practice blocking everything out and focusing on how YOU feel now that you are fully embracing being a bad ass!
14. As time passes, so will what being a bad ass means to you. Stay on top of what feels real to you. If something you wear starts feeling not right or like it's cramping your style, be sure to evolve with it. Even bad asses go through constant change, but it doesn't mean you stop being a bad ass!!!
15. Congratulation! You are a bad ass and you know what is to come. I am very proud of you!!

April Writing Challenge #2: The Color of the Room

I am sitting in a beautiful, yet cluttered, room painted the turquoise of a Hawaiian sea and the white sand beach that goes with it. This is what it inspired:

 I sit here, in view of the most gorgeous water and beach I have ever seen, and yet it very well could be hundreds of miles away for how accessible it is to me. I have been working around the clock in this ocean paradise and now, when I have a small window of time free, I am much too exhausted and in too much pain to be able to go anywhere but the bed of my hotel room. You see, I have a chronic pain condition that also leads to significant fatigue, but I don't know this yet. I don't know that pushing myself to work so many hours, for so long, everyday for the past several days, is my kryptonite. I don't yet know that when I return home from this "working vacation", I will literally collapse, come apart at the seams, and it will take YEARS before I feel even close to whole again. I don't know that this paradise will be the last time I feel like a normal human being for... well, for I don't know how long because I still don't feel that way today, 11 years later. I think I will always love Hawaii for how beautiful it was and how much fun I still managed to have there, despite the working practically around the clock and despite the eventual collapse. But a part of me will also always hate it... I can not hear the word Hawaii without being flooded with memories of the good and bad that happened while I was there and as soon as I returned home. Maybe when I am better... because, yes, I am getting better; maybe then I will be able to think of it in a different way.

April Writing Challenge #1: Song Lyrics

Glee Cast, “Don’t stop Believin’”

“Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…she took the midnight train going anywhere.”

“Don’t Stop!”

“She took the midnight train going anywhere.” It didn’t matter where she ended up because anything would be better than where she was coming from. There was only pain and heartbreak back that way… it was time for her to walk away from all of that and start over again. Start a new life in which she learned to be open, to be vulnerable, to love, and to let herself be loved. A new life in which she didn’t let people who didn’t deserve her stick around. And those who did, those who were worthy of her, those were the ones she embraced, and coddled, and truly, truly, loved. It was only in this new place, with these new people, where she truly learned to LIVE.

“Don’t stop!” She learned that she could never stop moving away from the past and moving into a new person. If she stayed still for too long, she started to stagnate, and the memories and hurts of the past started creeping in. She had to keep moving forward, keep setting goals, keep working on bettering herself and healing the dark, quiet places. She had to keep moving forward in her friendships and romantics relationships… meaning being vulnerable, slowly revealing who she really is to the people who mattered the most. She truly learned that to LIVE, one must never stop moving forward, embracing what life truly was about. To LOVE and BE LOVED.

Still Getting the Hang of This

I was just re-reading my previous posts as it has been quite some time since I was here. I realized that I kept ending them right in the middle of a thought. So now that I am back, hoping to post more often, I will also try to finish them!
Yesterday was the start of a new semester, and with it came excitement, trepidation, and hopefulness. Excitement because I love to learn, and I can't wait to embrace the new knowledge these classes will bring (Humanities II and American Government, in case you were curious). Trepidation because I still struggle to get and stay organized, still struggle with procrastination in my school work. Hopefulness because each semester I attend classes, I do a little better with these issues than the previous one, and I am hopeful this is going to be my best semester yet.
The new year has brought new challenges, including a new diagnosis of adult ADHD, although I have likely had it since I was a child. I was uncomfortable receiving yet another diagnosis, especially so late in this process, as I was first diagnosed bi-polar in 2005. But my reality is this: the diagnosis fits and the treatment has helped me SO much. The ADHD explained why even on bi-polar meds, I continued to have mood swings, except happening over hours or minutes, instead of over weeks or months. It explained why no matter how hard I have applied myself, I can't stay organized for very long, and I can't completely eliminate procrastination. And the bigger the project, the worse it is, when I really need it to be the opposite. So after devouring several books by different authors on ADHD, scouring reputable web sites, and just talking to people who know me, I accepted that I have a co-occuring disorder. And went ahead and began treatment, which, for me, includes medication, Omega-3 supplements, and simpler ways of getting organized, ways designed and tested by other ADHD'ers. And it really has made a huge difference.
Like I said earlier, last semester was my best one yet. I only missed a couple deadlines, assignments that eventually I turned in just one class session late, and I stayed relatively organized... at least enough that I only lost one piece of important paperwork. These successes are huge improvements over all my previous semesters, even going back to before my bi-polar diagnosis. So I am proud of myself and the growth I have achieved by keeping my mind open to the reality that there is only one constant in this crazy life of mine, and that is change. Cliche, I know, but it is still true no matter how cheesy it sounds.
And no my bed is calling to me so I will have to write again another day. Thanks for being here with me on this beautiful journey!

Tigger

I just lost my kitty after 19 years but I have a lot of peace about that. I know that it was his time and I know that I was blessed to have him in my life for so long. I didn't want to watch him suffer so I am glad that he is in a better place where there is no pain. It doesn't make me miss him less but I am a lot less sad than I thought I would be.

I adopted Tigger when he was 8 weeks old and I was 16 years old. I adopted Tigger and his brother, Forest from the animal shelter in Phoenix, AZ. We have been through so much together. Let's see, two marriages, two long-term relationships, going away to college, moving eleven times, in and out of hospitals and rehab centers, adopting other kitties, adopting doggies, and a parade of friends in and out of my homes/life. Tigger easily stressed, so a lot of these changes were difficult for him at first, but he always settled in like a champion and then thrived wherever we were. He brought so much joy and love just by being in my life and loving me unconditionally. He was always a loving, affectionate cat, and at his biggest was 19 pounds, so there was a lot of love to be had. He was never fat, just a big, solidly built cat. His paws were huge! God, I miss him. I love my doggies to pieces, but there is nothing quite like the love and affection of a cat. Tigger was one of my best friends; I always turned to him when things were bad and he always knew when I needed him. Anytime I was crying, he knew, and he came and crawled into my lap. Now that I'm crying for Tigger, the dogs come and lick the tears off my face.
Health wise, Tigger's and his brother's lives were pretty good. The day after I brought them home, they became really sick and I rushed them to the veterinarian where I found out they had a parasite called girardia, which I guess is super common among animals at shelters. They almost died because they were so young their bodies were having a hard time fighting back. But they pulled through, and for the most part were healthy until they hit their late teens. I lost Forest when he was 16, and they don't even know for sure what was wrong with him. But Tigger developed feline dementia (similar to Alzheimer's) and it progressed rapidly. Within a matter of weeks, he was confused most of the time, to the point he couldn't remember whether or not he had eaten, he couldn't remember where his litter boxes were, and as he was already deaf, he was startling easily. He was just so clearly unhappy and uncomfortable. I'm glad that we had 19 beautiful years together, and I just hope that he enjoyed being with me as much as I loved being with him.
Good-bye, my Tiggie. My heart will always remember you and hold you close.